I weighed just 18 pounds at my second birthday. I was mal-nourished and very underdeveloped. 'Did she try to hide the pregnancy, did she hope it would end, did she have too few resources to provide for the child growing with in her? ' I still (at age 50+) have baby teeth, as adult teeth buds never formed.
Baby girls, and especially Amer-Asian babies were at best unwanted. It was still not uncommon to commit infanticide with little ones who would not be acceptable to the culture. It was societies norm to disallow advanced education, perhaps even childhood education to mixed children. Many would end up as beggars, child laborers and even selling their little bodies for ungodly acts. Amer-Asian children seldom had a bright future ahead of them, unless they were saved through Adoption!
Bodies can be nourished and saved, yet souls can remain languished and malnourished.
Losses... yesterday I spent the day "trying to reflect on what is next, will God ever return 'the years the locusts have eaten' to my life?". This loss brought emotions when I left the office and alone in my car. I began to feel those old feelings of loneliness and fear about the future. I began to spin in my mind worst case scenarios and lies of the Enemy. I have heard all those lies before, and yet they continue to hold power and sway when they grow unguarded. Those lies of guilt, shame, value and purpose are so subtle and sneaky. The Enemy knows just what works to pull us toward despair and hopelessness, he is so wicked.
I called my kids to speak the bitter emotions, they loved me with words and actions; it was not enough to overcome the Enemy's tailspin. I went to my room and cried alone, considering what did this hurt so badly, especially when I knew it was coming... fears unspoken are fears unresolved.
As I poured out the words of my fears (both real and imagined), I felt impressed to move back to scripture. Here I re-read the story of Moses as he prepared to die [Deuteronomy 31:6, 7 & 23] and the 3 recorded times he spoke to the Israelite people with these words: "be strong and courageous ", even adding the word 'very' once. Then I moved forward to Joshua as he re-starts the journey to Canaan; where he to uses [Joshua 1:6,7,9,& 18 and Joshua 10:25] the same phrase: "be strong and courageous" recorded 5 more times.
Perhaps as my final destination is known, but the journey and map is not revealed I need to repeat those timely words as I feel the lies of the Enemy lurking in my shadows.
Be Strong and Courageous repeat this 5 times out loud today....
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I had always thought that you had such a perfect life experience. It brings tears to my eyes to know how parallel our paths have been. Your courage and your .. humanity are comforting to me. Not sure why, but I'll pray and meditate on it. I will also be referencing the Scripture you quoted. Thanks for sharing yourself. You are cherished.
ReplyDeleteWOW how powerful... True God is there and He will provide a light in the darkness of life. No matter what the enemy sends our way, God will raise up a standard against him. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME< and ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!
ReplyDeleteI can already tell I'll be blessed by your words, Pastor Harrison. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteI read this a day after I had a major memory melt down.....I try to live my life in "today" but it just takes one smell, sound, word that will throw me back the to years of abuse and my poor hubby that was not at all part of the years that the locus have eaten (we have been married 3 yrs) and he just doesn't understand but is there for me. Yesterday it was both of my kids and me that reacted to the same thing in a way he just didn't get.....God is there for me and He wraps my poor hubby in understanding and kindness for us and helps all of us to be a happy healthy family. Thank God for being there!!! and thank you for the invite to your blog God is using you. Your story of your bills and AFLAC was timely too, hubby have been out of work since Jan. last night he got some work!! maybe can pay a bill or 2 now. In God we trust.
ReplyDelete@ Susan - my life is as perfect as salad left on the counter over night...
ReplyDelete@ Ms. Prettie - GOd is Powerful, but He restrains Himself a little more than I'd like sometimes, I think?
@ CY - words wisely, lovingly & truthfully spoken can be healing, redemptive and encouraging
@ Emily - your story of survival from such evil is an inspiration. I can only imagine how many chapters you have overcome.... I am so proud of you... Emily PREACH, TELL, SHARE IT, so many women need to hear there is a way however painful of escape!!!